Giving Thanks for Toddlers
Ah, surviving the holidays in Toddlerland. It’s just a short sprint towards Thanksgiving and then a continuous run through Chanukah, Christmas and New Year’s. Are you ready? Feeling thankful and experiencing joy and generosity are big components of the celebratory season, along with angst and stress that accompanies a cacophony of relatives, long distance travel, over-hyped expectations, and often an over abundance of food and gifts.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the approaching holidays, imagine how your strong willed, easily impulsive, and often moody toddler will feel. Even more overwhelmed and stimulated! As someone who’s gone through it with three of my own, expect a heightened level of crankiness and more meltdowns next week. Take a calming sip of hot cider- holidays get easier as your children grow up. And in the meantime, there are many things you can do to make your holiday feast and festivities toddler-friendly.
WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY: Modify your expectations so they work for both you and your child. There is only so much you can reasonably accomplish, and there’s only so much you can reasonably expect from your little one.
Create reasonable & ‘do-able’ expectations. Every year I envision a way too-long list of goodies I plan to bake, old friends I want to catch up with, parties I hope to attend, the holiday card I swear I’ll send, and the multiple NYC holiday events such as ice-skating in the park, I plan to experience with my kids this season. It always happens that soon after compiling this impressive list in my head, I am forced to take a deep breath, check myself and face reality. There is only so much I can do. Realizing this, I scale back my expectations of what I can accomplish. Whew, it’s kind of a relief.
Expect your toddler to act like a toddler. Setting your sights on reachable goals will make the holidays more enjoyable for everyone, and no time is this more true than when you have a little toddler in tow. As you do every day of the week, expect that on a holiday, your toddler will act like a toddler. That big dinner with extended family in a formal dining room? It is unlikely your toddler will sit for long, nor is he likely to sit quietly with a napkin on his lap. Fend off a meltdown by feeding her before all the adults sit down. That way she won’t be hungry, fidgety and impatient in her chair. Decide in advance which parent will get up from the table with your child first when he announces he is “done” and skips out of the dining room. If you have a plan in place, you’ll be less disappointed when it happens. Remind yourself that your toddler can’t act like a mature older sibling or adult. Cut your child and yourself some slack and you will find yourself more relaxed and better able to manage the meal.
Expect the unexpected. In new situations, especially those charged with the excitement of a holiday, your child’s behavior will be even less predictable than on a normal Thursday. Entering a house with many people can mean your talkative toddler suddenly needs time to warm up. Sure, grandma may be disappointed when your little one doesn’t run to embrace her with open arms. (Encourage Mom not to take it personally.) A new place, or one that is filled with unfamiliar people, can trigger clinginess, hiding, and whiney behavior from your toddler. Be mindful of your child’s need to stay close to you initially.
Beyond modifying your expectations, here are a few of my tried and true tips to lighten your holiday stress and make it more fun for everyone:
Less is more. Minimize the number of activities you do on your ‘days off’ next week. This includes the number of visits to see people or new places in a single day. You may want to maximize your time, especially if you are out of town and only for a short time, but asking your toddler to keep up the pace as you drag her from one unfamiliar setting to another is a recipe for holiday disaster. If you can, stay in one place and have people come to you. Imagine that!
Stick to routines as best you can. Toddlers thrive on the familiar. It may be boring to you, but routines help organize your child’s day. Even when you are in a new place such as a hotel or a relative’s home, try to stick to your toddler’s regular schedule as much as possible. One sure way to keep your toddler happy is to nap and eat on time. A hungry and tired toddler will not make it through dessert.
Plan ahead. Think through what you will need to keep your toddler content and occupied. Going to visit an older relative? Consider there might not be toys in the house, so bring toys and activities of your own. Venturing on an airplane or long car ride? Pack plenty of snacks and meals in the event of delays, and follow my 20-minute rule. And finally, include your child in the rundown of the days’ events. “We are visiting Aunt Sally and Uncle Max today. You may not remember them but they will be excited to see you. We are having lunch at their house and you can play while we visit.” Involving your child in the plan can help her mentally prepare for and manage new situations.
Many of these tips may sound simple, but I’ve practiced them all and recommended them to countless parents and they really do help to dial down stress and dial up the fun, making next week’s holiday a celebration to be thankful for.
Have some holiday tips of your own? I’d love to hear what works for you. Please leave a comment or question on Facebook or Twitter. Also, let me know what more you’d like me to discuss in future newsletters. What kind of advice would you most appreciate?
In Part II of Surviving the Holidays, I’ll talk about managing stress, gift giving and the “gimmies.”
Also, read about how to “Teach Thankfulness to Toddlers”.
Have some holiday tips of your own? I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave a comment or ask a question on Facebook (howtoddlersthrive) or Twitter (@tovahklein).
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